Are you thinking of relocating to Connecticut? Good Lord, why? Have you not seen how much it costs to live here? Plus, if you Google “school shootings” or “circus fires” or “guys who have put their wives through wood chippers,” we show up on the top of all of these lists. Are you crazy?
Still determined to live here? Fine. I’m here to help. Here are some things you should consider when relocating to Connecticut:
1. Pick your town wisely. Yes, you will be judged solely on the town you live in. Living in Glastonbury, for instance, will buy you more social snootiness points than living in East Hartford, but less than if you lived in Avon. The closer you live to the New York border, the more stuck up you are allowed to be. As you move north and east, your social status will decrease, but I think we can all agree that the death knell to your reputation would be to buy a house in Jewett City. It’s just a known fact to us Nutmeggers.
Helpful hint: It’s important to keep your favorite baseball team in mind when you move to Connecticut. If you prefer the Boston Red Sox, settle east of the Connecticut River. If you’re a Yankees fan, head west. That’s the rule.
2. Do you like sports? More specifically, are you ready to follow the UCONN women’s basketball team off of a cliff if that’s what’s required of you? Fine. You should fit right in. However, if you prefer any other team or any other sport, you might want to consider another state, like Massachusetts. Nutmeggers are famous for not bothering to leave their homes to support their teams. We’ve lost our MLB baseball team (the Hartford Dark Blues – also showing our lack of enthusiasm for clever names,) our NFL team (that’s right! We were home to the NY Giants from 1973-4, because we couldn’t muster up our own team,) and our NHL hockey team (still a source of heartbreak for the 237 of us who actually went to the games.) If you have no interest in team spirit, Connecticut might be a good fit for you.
3. Great education, terrible jobs. Times are tough everywhere, and Connecticut is no exception. We have fantastic schools and institutions of higher learning – Yale, Wesleyan, Trinity, University of New Haven, even UCONN – which means our retail and fast food workforce has the highest percentage of Ph.Ds in the nation.
4. Consider your political views. Are you a Democrat? No? Keep driving.
5. Weathering the weather. Connecticut is a beautiful place to live, particularly due to its seasons: Fall, winter, more winter, and smothering humidity. When moving to the Constitution state, you should be prepared for snow on Halloween, sunshiny Christmas days, frost in May, and sunny September hurricanes. It’s part of the fun of living here.
6. How do you feel about weird, life-threatening diseases borne by insects? You will learn more about Lyme disease, West Nile Virus, and Eastern Equine Encephalitis virus after one spring season in Connecticut than you’d ever learn in a lifetime anywhere else. See those pretty deer in your backyard? They’re dropping ticks all over your hydrangeas.
After considering all of these things carefully, maybe you think Connecticut is still right for you. Perhaps you figure you can overcome any adversity with the help of good friends and good neighbors. Because everyone knows how welcoming and friendly New Englanders are.
Good luck with that.
Still determined to live here? Fine. I’m here to help. Here are some things you should consider when relocating to Connecticut:
1. Pick your town wisely. Yes, you will be judged solely on the town you live in. Living in Glastonbury, for instance, will buy you more social snootiness points than living in East Hartford, but less than if you lived in Avon. The closer you live to the New York border, the more stuck up you are allowed to be. As you move north and east, your social status will decrease, but I think we can all agree that the death knell to your reputation would be to buy a house in Jewett City. It’s just a known fact to us Nutmeggers.
Helpful hint: It’s important to keep your favorite baseball team in mind when you move to Connecticut. If you prefer the Boston Red Sox, settle east of the Connecticut River. If you’re a Yankees fan, head west. That’s the rule.
2. Do you like sports? More specifically, are you ready to follow the UCONN women’s basketball team off of a cliff if that’s what’s required of you? Fine. You should fit right in. However, if you prefer any other team or any other sport, you might want to consider another state, like Massachusetts. Nutmeggers are famous for not bothering to leave their homes to support their teams. We’ve lost our MLB baseball team (the Hartford Dark Blues – also showing our lack of enthusiasm for clever names,) our NFL team (that’s right! We were home to the NY Giants from 1973-4, because we couldn’t muster up our own team,) and our NHL hockey team (still a source of heartbreak for the 237 of us who actually went to the games.) If you have no interest in team spirit, Connecticut might be a good fit for you.
3. Great education, terrible jobs. Times are tough everywhere, and Connecticut is no exception. We have fantastic schools and institutions of higher learning – Yale, Wesleyan, Trinity, University of New Haven, even UCONN – which means our retail and fast food workforce has the highest percentage of Ph.Ds in the nation.
4. Consider your political views. Are you a Democrat? No? Keep driving.
5. Weathering the weather. Connecticut is a beautiful place to live, particularly due to its seasons: Fall, winter, more winter, and smothering humidity. When moving to the Constitution state, you should be prepared for snow on Halloween, sunshiny Christmas days, frost in May, and sunny September hurricanes. It’s part of the fun of living here.
6. How do you feel about weird, life-threatening diseases borne by insects? You will learn more about Lyme disease, West Nile Virus, and Eastern Equine Encephalitis virus after one spring season in Connecticut than you’d ever learn in a lifetime anywhere else. See those pretty deer in your backyard? They’re dropping ticks all over your hydrangeas.
After considering all of these things carefully, maybe you think Connecticut is still right for you. Perhaps you figure you can overcome any adversity with the help of good friends and good neighbors. Because everyone knows how welcoming and friendly New Englanders are.
Good luck with that.
Benedict Arnold: notorious traitor and proud Nutmegger.
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