The internet exploded yesterday with incredible news that had everyone talking. Was it the use of chemical weapons in Syria that had everyone angered? Or perhaps people were concerned about the wildfire currently burning out of control at Yosemite National Park? Heck, no. It seems that people are stunned and outraged at the news that Ben Affleck has been cast as Batman in the next Superman movie. Honestly, people. Your priorities are terrible.
"But look at Daredevil!" You cry. "It was awful!" Sure it was a stinker, but is this Affleck's fault? Aren't there a few other people to blame for this? I personally think the script writer, director, producer, Jennifer Garner, and the key grip might share some of that blame. (But not Michael Clarke Duncan. He is never to blame, because he was wonderful.) Blaming Ben Affleck for Daredevil is like blaming Ronald McDonald when you get a bad cheeseburger. Neither one of them is really running the show. Know what movie I really like? Dazed and Confused. Ben was in that, too. But everyone knows that Affleck is not the reason why that movie was so wonderful. That's just ridiculous. Matthew McConaughey is the reason why that movie was awesome.
Think that the personal betrayal you are feeling over the casting of Batman is something new? Let me take you back in time. The year was 1995. Michael Keaton, the Batman of all Batmans, had dropped out of Batman Forever. The world was in chaos. Jerry Garcia dropped dead over it. (What? Do you actually know that this isn't what killed him? What else could it possibly have been?) The powers that be chose someone different (gasp) for the role. That's right. Val Kilmer would now don the cape and bat ears.
You want to talk about outrage? Anger? The end of the world as we know it? The masses were furious. Val Kilmer? The Iceman? The guy who won a Chicago Film Critics Association Best Actor Award for his portrayal of Jim Morrison in The Doors? Who was this hack?
Well, you can imagine what happened. The movie came out, made a ton of money, and nobody cared that Batman was now Val Kilmer. That's right: nobody cared. They were too distracted by the nipples on the Batman costume to really criticize Kilmer's performance.
So there you go. History has a way of repeating itself, and here we are again, struggling to come to grips with a new face behind the Bat Mask. Sure, a mass grave with bodies of adolescent children was just discovered near Mexico, but is that really important? Apparently not. Our priority now is to discuss what, exactly, Batman's costume is going to look like in Batman vs. Superman. Because that's what really matters.
"But look at Daredevil!" You cry. "It was awful!" Sure it was a stinker, but is this Affleck's fault? Aren't there a few other people to blame for this? I personally think the script writer, director, producer, Jennifer Garner, and the key grip might share some of that blame. (But not Michael Clarke Duncan. He is never to blame, because he was wonderful.) Blaming Ben Affleck for Daredevil is like blaming Ronald McDonald when you get a bad cheeseburger. Neither one of them is really running the show. Know what movie I really like? Dazed and Confused. Ben was in that, too. But everyone knows that Affleck is not the reason why that movie was so wonderful. That's just ridiculous. Matthew McConaughey is the reason why that movie was awesome.
Think that the personal betrayal you are feeling over the casting of Batman is something new? Let me take you back in time. The year was 1995. Michael Keaton, the Batman of all Batmans, had dropped out of Batman Forever. The world was in chaos. Jerry Garcia dropped dead over it. (What? Do you actually know that this isn't what killed him? What else could it possibly have been?) The powers that be chose someone different (gasp) for the role. That's right. Val Kilmer would now don the cape and bat ears.
You want to talk about outrage? Anger? The end of the world as we know it? The masses were furious. Val Kilmer? The Iceman? The guy who won a Chicago Film Critics Association Best Actor Award for his portrayal of Jim Morrison in The Doors? Who was this hack?
Well, you can imagine what happened. The movie came out, made a ton of money, and nobody cared that Batman was now Val Kilmer. That's right: nobody cared. They were too distracted by the nipples on the Batman costume to really criticize Kilmer's performance.
So there you go. History has a way of repeating itself, and here we are again, struggling to come to grips with a new face behind the Bat Mask. Sure, a mass grave with bodies of adolescent children was just discovered near Mexico, but is that really important? Apparently not. Our priority now is to discuss what, exactly, Batman's costume is going to look like in Batman vs. Superman. Because that's what really matters.
I'm Batman. Get over it.
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