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A Holiday Preview

10/26/2018

 
Hello, gentle reader!

I'm scrambling to get the final edits done on one of the two chapbooks I have coming out in November (if you didn't spot it on my landing page, I'll put the little "coming soon" image at the end of this post). I don't have time to write a new blog post. But . . . the chapbooks do contain some new content. Could I possibly steal some of that content, post it here, and try to pass it off as a sneak peek of my upcoming release, Longo Looks at Christmas?

You bet I could.
_______________________________________
Over the years, I’ve found the radio can be a source of joy, elevating my mood with a little Duran Duran or INXS when I’m feeling down, nudging me with a few bars of “Come on Eileen” by Dexy’s Midnight Runners to get me to shake some of my crankiness and start singing along. (Also, if it’s not evident from these song choices, I am a Gen Xer who grew up in the eighties. Don’t judge my music, whippersnapper!) But the radio can also expose huge betrayals when you least expect them.

I am, of course, talking about the Beatles.

My first solid memory of the fab four was on December 8, 1980, when the radio announced John Lennon had been shot. My mother gasped. It was her reaction that likely ingrained this memory in my seven-year-old brain, because I’d had no clue who this Lennon fellow was. Though Mom likes to think of herself as a non-conformist, preferring the Animals over the Beatles, she did take the time to explain how the Beatles—and Lennon—had changed the entire face of modern music. “You know that song Daddy likes to sing so much? About the raccoon?” I nodded. My sister and I loved the little tune. “That’s a Beatles song,” she confirmed. The full weight of what she was telling me settled on my tiny shoulders.

My father had not made up “Rocky Raccoon” himself.

After much therapy lasting long into adulthood, I forgave Dad, and also eventually learned who the Beatles were. I snuck a few of my aunt’s vinyl albums (shut up, whippersnapper!) out of her collection and gave them a spin. I liked them. When my interest in true crime developed in my teenage years, the connection between the White Album and the Manson family solidified the Beatles’ coolness in my mind. When a psychotic cult leader thinks you’re sending him private messages through the hot mess that is “Revolution 9,” well, then, you’re really somebody.

So I was not prepared for any of the lads from Liverpool to stab me in the back.

Back in 1979, Paul McCartney (“the cute Beatle,” according to Mom and millions of other Baby Boomers) recorded a ditty that received little attention when it was slipped onto his McCartney II album, likely as filler when he found himself short on tracks. It didn’t even chart on the Billboard Top 100. At this point, I was still blissfully unaware of its existence.

But by 1984, it had gained some traction. It popped up at number ten for two weeks on Billboard’s Christmas singles chart that December. However, the Longo family had its own tradition by then, which was to listen to Mom’s favorite Christmas songs from the fifties on cassette (I said shut up!) in the car, meaning no live radio, so this abomination was still off my radar.

Then, in 1993, Wings crammed it onto their Back to the Egg album. And its airplay exploded.

My sister and I were making a pilgrimage to Friendly’s for peanut butter cup sundaes (don’t judge us) one December afternoon when the first few notes of “Wonderful Christmastime” filled the car. I chose to ignore it, because if nothing else, I am polite when I’m stuck in a moving vehicle with someone who does not despise every last damn thing about the holidays. Then the singing started.

“Hold the phone,” I said. I turned it up. My sister nearly swerved off the road, because never in my life have I turned up the music when a Christmas song was on. “Is that—”

“—Paul McCartney!” she confirmed exuberantly, mistaking my question for enthusiasm.

“No,” I gasped, appalled. Ironically, it was a callback to my mother’s reaction to John Lennon’s death over two decades before, though arguably hers was probably more justified. “How could he?”

“Wha . . . you don’t like it?” My sister looked at me with big doe eyes, not unlike the peepers that made Mr. McCartney so popular with the now-senior-citizen crowd of my parents’ generation.

Now, gentle reader, there’s something you should know about my sister and me. We are very close. There is nobody else in the entire world who understands exactly how nutso our parents are, what it was like growing up with them at the helm, and nobody else who will crack up when I randomly throw “orange tree burglar” into a sentence. (See? You didn’t laugh just then. And if I explain, it won’t sound funny.) My point is, I love my big sister, and make it a point to never intentionally break her heart. Which my non-love of this Beatle’s Christmas song was clearly doing.

“Uh . . . what I mean is, how could he only do one Christmas song and not a whole album?” I lied.
My sister smiled. The lie was worth it.

The song came on four more times during our hour-long round trip drive. Kim turned it up every time, pleased we’d found a song I could stand.

Don’t tell her, but I really hate that song. And if I ever get the chance to meet Paul McCartney, he and I are going to have words.
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Living in the Meh State

10/19/2018

 
​Living in Connecticut has its ups and downs. I like that the state is small enough that I can get from one end to the other, width-wise, in about two hours, but I hate our roads. I like being from Connecticut, but I hate the drivers, our attitudes, and our governor. Our taxes are too high, we have diseases named after our towns, and our nicknames are stupid (Nutmegger? Really?), but the buffet at Mohegan Sun Casino is outstanding.
 
So you take the good with the bad, I suppose.
 
One of the wonderful/frustrating thing about Connecticut is the seasons. Meaning they’re never the same from year to year, or even week to week. Last year in October, our temperatures were averaging in the fifties, and I was wearing light sweaters. Foolish me to think this year would be the same.
 
Sure, October started fall-ish enough. The first weekend, I was content to wear a hoodie as I watched Jason rake leaves. (Just kidding. I stayed inside, ate Tootsie Rolls, and read a book while he toiled.) The temperatures were in the midsixties, pleasant and cool.
 
Two days later, it was eighty-three degrees. The Tootsie Rolls in my car had melted to resemble cat poo, and I actually peeled off my light sweater and tossed it out the window while stuck in traffic on I-91. (It was black, and blended perfectly with the blown tires that littered the highway. Thank you, Connecticut potholes.) I pulled out a sundress for the next day . . . when the high peaked at fifty-two degrees. I can’t say it was so bad, though, because I was running a low-grade fever with the cold I’d gotten, probably from the temperature dropping by almost thirty degrees in less than twenty-four hours. No worries: the next day, it was back up to seventy again.
 
None of this is unusual. We’ve come to expect the unexpected in the Constitution State (see? Why can’t we be the Rock Star State or something?), and in the past five years have seen Halloween cancelled due to blizzards, Halloween cancelled due to heat waves and melting candy, and Halloween cancelled due to apathy. (We’re not known for leaving our houses much once summer is over, but on the bright side, getting a Connecticut native riled up about much of anything is nearly impossible. We just don’t care. We should be called the Meh State.) It’s the only place I’ve ever lived where people regularly have both a snow shovel and flip flops inside the front door at the same time.
 
This week, I debated pulling out my winter wardrobe. (Connecticut women in particular have these: we switch out our closets from a full summer selection of outfits to winter bulk every season.) I’ve learned, however, that around this time of year, it’s wiser to maybe transfer two or three wool sweaters from the winter closet to the main one, because you’ll likely not want to pack up those T-shirts quite yet.
 
Just yesterday, I put the heat on in my house. Then I woke up in the middle of the night and turned on the AC during a midnight heat wave.
 
“I hate Connecticut,” I grumbled to Jason the next day.
 
“Wanna go to the casino buffet this weekend?” he countered.
 
“I love Connecticut,” I said gleefully. “Let’s eat.”
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An Appearance and Upcoming Release

10/12/2018

 
PictureL-R: Watts, me, Lomer, and Lomer's booth babe, Teresa.
I have no blog today. I’m on my way to SuperMegaFest this weekend, where I’ll be signing copies of all my books, and even hosting a panel titled Anthologies and the New Writer with authors Rob Watts and Stephen Lomer. We’ll be talking about how to find markets, how to submit, and warning signs that the market you’re looking at is an anthology mill or disreputable publisher. Also, Billy Mumy and Angela Cartwright from Lost in Space will be at the event, so maybe when you’re done being astounded by our author brilliance, you can go meet them, too.

Now, if you're on the fence about going, let me remind you that it takes a lot these days to get me to leave my house. I can't promise it'll happen again.

​In other news, my longish short story, “Gibtown,” is being released in Carnival of Nightmares, coming out October 16, though luckily it’s available now for preorder here: https://www.amazon.com/Carnival-Nightmares-Creepiest-Show-Earth-ebook/dp/B07J1YWL3S/. And my best writing friend Rob Smales’s story, “The Biggest Little Show on Earth,” is also in it, so you get double the bang for your buck. (Did I write a blog on how it might not be a great idea to submit to the same submission call as your BWF? When I got my acceptance email, I didn't tell anyone, because I hadn't heard from Rob if he'd gotten in or not—and it turned out he was waiting before saying anything because he hadn't heard from me. Fun times.)
​
On a related note, “Gibtown” is probably one of my personal favorites of stories I’ve written, so I’m very excited for this release!
 
That’s all the news here. If you have no plans this weekend, why not stop by SuperMegaFest at the Sheraton Framingham and say hi?
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Welcome to My Nightmare

10/5/2018

 
The mind is a funny thing.
 
We all have nightmares, right? According to an article I just Googled ten seconds ago, they’re perfectly normal, and probably an evolutionary response to help us gear up for the dangers of the next day’s woolly mammoth hunt. Our brains can’t necessarily evolve at the same rate of speed as industrial and technological change, so we still have nightmares today, even though woolly mammoths are long gone, and supervisors or gypsy moth caterpillars are probably the scariest monsters we face each morning.
 
But what is a nightmare to you?
 
See, our brains are catching up. And they’re learning. Evolving. ’Cause that’s what they do.
 
When I was a kid, I’d have nightmares about the snapping turtles in our pond. Standard little kid fare, right? As I got older, I’d occasionally have nightmares about demonically possessed clowns—thank you very much, Steven Spielberg and the Poltergeist series. As I gained more life experience, and discovered most clowns are not demonically possessed, my nightmares changed. I’d wake up in a cold sweat, calling for my mother, because I’d dream I was still married to my first husband.
 
Then I started writing horror. Seriously, there’s nothing more therapeutic. I killed off my ex a few times in stories, and the nightmares stopped. I’d have dreams about playing poker with Satan, or discovering a body farm, or coordinated jellyfish attacks, and as soon as I woke up, I wrote it down. Bad dreams were now becoming source material.
 
Oho, my brain said. So you think you’re too grown up to scare anymore? You’ve got another think coming!
 
Then the grown-up nightmares started in earnest.
 
The first night, I dreamed the mortgage was due on the same day the power company needed to be paid. When I tried to go online to maybe change the due date on the electric bill, I discovered the Wi-Fi was down.
 
The second night, I dreamed I got into the shower, and there were ten bottles of conditioner . . . but not one bottle of shampoo.
 
“You think you can break me?” I yelled at my brain. It was possible I’d reached my breaking point, but my brain didn’t need to know that. “I just read an article yesterday about how people should only shampoo every third day. Nice try!” I felt smugly superior to myself. But my brain wasn’t done yet.
 
That night, things started out innocently enough. I found myself dreaming of a cafeteria full of gluten-free foods. The menu listed pizza, bagels, pasta, macaroni and cheese . . . anything a carb lover who can't digest this stuff regularly could desire. And the dessert menu? I wept in delight: chocolate mousse cake, chocolate mousse pie, chocolate mousse . . . I stepped to the counter, which was being manned by Connecticut libertarian gubernatorial candidate Rod Hanscomb—this should’ve been my first tipoff that all was not right—and held out my plate. “Give me all the desserts, please,” I said shakily.
 
“Sorry. All we have left is vanilla custard. Can I tell you about my thoughts on the current state taxation model, and why we should move to a zero-income-tax based structure that will increase our sales tax to 9.5%?”
 
“Noooo!” I shouted. “Vanilla custard?”
 
And for the first time in over a decade, I woke up in a cold sweat, calling for my mother.

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NOT for the faint of heart.

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