At this time of year, many people make weight loss their New Year's resolution. I am not one of them, so BACK OFF with the emails, Weight Watchers! My problem with losing weight is 1. it's hard and 2. the tips they tell you are things I'm already doing or are unrealistic. For instance, Dr. Oz recommends the following:
1. Eat more nuts. A handful of walnuts will leave you satisfied.
The reality: A handful of walnuts wouldn't satisfy a squirrel. If those walnuts are coated in chocolate and sprinkled on top of a chocolate cake, maybe they'll satisfy me. But I wouldn't count on it.
2. Don't confuse thirst with hunger. Drink a glass of water and see if that satisfies you.
The reality: I already drink enough water every day to float an ark on. I think I'm smart enough to tell the difference between when I'm dehydrated and when I'm craving a pot-pie-sized peanut butter cup.
3. Eat more fish.
The reality: Okay. I can realistically give this a try.
4. You may be used to fried foods but there are other, sometimes healthier, ways to cook including: roasting, steaming, poaching, baking, braising and broiling.
The reality: Do you want me to eat more fish or not? Because the only way I'm going to choke down more cod is to batter and fry the heck out of it.
5. Sugarless chewing gum can suppress your appetite in a pinch.
The reality: Dr. Oz is a certifiable fruit bat. You know what suppresses my appetite in a pinch? Chocolate cake with chocolate-coated walnuts.
6. Ditch the mayo, cheese and top bun if you want to scrape off 250 calories from a restaurant sandwich.
The reality: Why would I toss out the best parts of the sandwich? Tell me again to ditch the cheese, and we're going to have a fight on our hands.
See? None of these suggestions are realistic, or easy. I prefer the "have just another little sliver of chocolate walnut cake and wait for science to invent a magic pill to lose weight" method. Though I probably shouldn't delete all those emails from Weight Watchers after all.
1. Eat more nuts. A handful of walnuts will leave you satisfied.
The reality: A handful of walnuts wouldn't satisfy a squirrel. If those walnuts are coated in chocolate and sprinkled on top of a chocolate cake, maybe they'll satisfy me. But I wouldn't count on it.
2. Don't confuse thirst with hunger. Drink a glass of water and see if that satisfies you.
The reality: I already drink enough water every day to float an ark on. I think I'm smart enough to tell the difference between when I'm dehydrated and when I'm craving a pot-pie-sized peanut butter cup.
3. Eat more fish.
The reality: Okay. I can realistically give this a try.
4. You may be used to fried foods but there are other, sometimes healthier, ways to cook including: roasting, steaming, poaching, baking, braising and broiling.
The reality: Do you want me to eat more fish or not? Because the only way I'm going to choke down more cod is to batter and fry the heck out of it.
5. Sugarless chewing gum can suppress your appetite in a pinch.
The reality: Dr. Oz is a certifiable fruit bat. You know what suppresses my appetite in a pinch? Chocolate cake with chocolate-coated walnuts.
6. Ditch the mayo, cheese and top bun if you want to scrape off 250 calories from a restaurant sandwich.
The reality: Why would I toss out the best parts of the sandwich? Tell me again to ditch the cheese, and we're going to have a fight on our hands.
See? None of these suggestions are realistic, or easy. I prefer the "have just another little sliver of chocolate walnut cake and wait for science to invent a magic pill to lose weight" method. Though I probably shouldn't delete all those emails from Weight Watchers after all.
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