Superbowl Ads

I don't particularly care who won the Superbowl. I couldn't even tell you who played this year. What I can tell you is who had the best commercials. That's right; I like to watch the game just for the ads. And thanks to www.superbowl-commercials.org, I don't even have to sit through the game anymore. So what was everybody talking about after these primo ads ran? Stupid things. People of America, I hate you.

First up is this adorable ad from Cheerios:

This was a commercial with a cherubic little girl bartering with her parents for a dog. The gist: You want to bring a baby brother into this house, you'd better get me a puppy. I don't even like kids (or dogs) and I thought it was cute. Imagine my disgust with humanity when I found out that there was a lot of controversy over this commercial because the parents are a biracial couple. Umm . . . you guys know that that does happen, right? In fact, this article from M.I.T.  (which I would argue is a pretty reliable source) states that "In other words, 'white people' do not share a common genetic heritage; instead, they come from different lineages that migrated from Africa and Asia." There's a whole bunch of information in there about DNA testing to back this up. In other words, everybody on the planet is multiracial. So get off your high horse and start appreciating this commercial for what it is: cute.
Next up on the controversy list is this ad from Coca Cola:

Nice, right? So when I heard that people were complaining because the song was sung in multiple languages, I wanted to run away and live in a cave with the other hermits that have given up on society. America, as you know, is the great melting pot. It's kind of our thing, you know, one of the positive things that we're known for.  That anyone would have the audacity to say that "America the Beautiful" should only be sung in English is mind-boggling. If you're not complaining in Cherokee or Iroquois, you really don't have the right to say anything, do you? 
Finally, what was without a doubt the best ad of the night:

Hands down, Radio Shack's "The '80s Called" was the best commercial of the night. How much fun was this ad? I loved seeing Dee Snider, Mary Lou Retton, Kid-n-Play, Alf, Chucky, Dee Snider (I really like him) . . . but I didn't hear one person complain about the teaser ad for this commercial in which Hulk Hogan is clearly submitting to Sgt. Slaughter's Cobra Clutch. I mean, COME ON. That would NEVER happen. Preposterous! Insulting! Totally unrealistic!

Overall, I thought the commercials were pretty crappy this year. But I found the response from a few narrow minded, socially inept hypocrites to be more than I could handle. Luckily, when I was at my lowest point (when some jerk on Facebook wrote "THE ANTHUM SHOLD BE IN ENGLISH!" -- wrong on soooo many levels), it was Radio Shack who came through for me. I love you guys. 
And Dee Snider. I love him too.