There's nothing that chaps my nether regions quite like a sexist film that everybody loves. Let's take a look at a few box office hits over the years, and examine the truly terrible messages they send.
1. PRETTY WOMAN (1990)
Sure, it's a happy little love story, but it's also a pile of crap. When Vivian (Julia Roberts) tells Edward (Richard Gere) "I want the fairytale," I want to slap her. Reality check, princess: the fairytale isn't a realistic goal, so stop telling women that it is. There is no rich, gorgeous john out there waiting to rescue the impossibly attractive hookers of the world. The only person you can count on to take care of you is you. Put on your big girl pants and start taking charge of your own life.
2. THE LITTLE MERMAID (1989)
Ah, the Disney movie that taught little girls everywhere that it's not your creative talents or your personality that makes you special, but how pretty you are. Think about it: Ariel gives up her voice (and her beautiful singing talent) so she can meet Eric, because he's cute. How can she possibly win him over? Easy—with her sexy eyes, stunning red hair, and kissable lips. What a fabulous message to send to your daughters.
3. BLACK SWAN (2010)
One of my college roommates was a professional ballet dancer, so it's safe to assume I'm an expert on this. I get that the ballet world is cutthroat and bulimic and awful. But this movie sends a terrible message: In order to be perfect, you have to be thin. (What? What message did you get from the movie?) Mila Kunis dropped 20 pounds, weighing in at 95 lbs. (at 5' 4"), for this part. Yet Mila still has boobs, which any Weight Watchers success story (or ballerina, for that matter) will tell you is impossible without implants. This movie sends an unrealistic and horrible message to women about body types and perfectionism. Plus, the whole darn movie was confusing. I hated it.
4. THE TWILIGHT SERIES (2008 – 2012)
If you think I'm going to attack Kristin Stewart (Bella) in this series, think again. We all know she's insipid and lifeless and can't act, so I don't need to reiterate that. No, my bigger problem with this movie is poor Taylor Lautner (Jacob).
Sexism works both ways, folks, and why Taylor wasn't allowed to wear a shirt while filming this terrible series is beyond me. (Whom am I kidding? It was to distract us from his lack of acting abilities and the laughably awful script.) While I would argue that his abs are the best thing about this steaming mountain of turds, I recognize that that's a shamefully sexist thing to say. Yet I will somehow find the strength to go on despite this character flaw.
5. THE 40 YEAR-OLD VIRGIN (2005)
Do I have a problem with the implications that it is ridiculous and something to be ashamed of in today's society for a 40-year-old man to be a virgin? No. I simply don't care about that part. Here's my problem: there's a hyphen missing in the title. Honestly, would it kill you filmmakers to run your movie titles by a proofreader? An intern that happens to be an English major? Someone? Please? Because right now, this implies that it's a movie about forty tiny, year-old virgins. Call the authorities!
There you have it. I could've filled this list with at least ten more Disney films, at least, but I think you all know where I stand on that (why yes, killing Snow White because she's prettier than you is perfectly reasonable, you old hag). Sexism: alive and thriving in the movie industry.
1. PRETTY WOMAN (1990)
Sure, it's a happy little love story, but it's also a pile of crap. When Vivian (Julia Roberts) tells Edward (Richard Gere) "I want the fairytale," I want to slap her. Reality check, princess: the fairytale isn't a realistic goal, so stop telling women that it is. There is no rich, gorgeous john out there waiting to rescue the impossibly attractive hookers of the world. The only person you can count on to take care of you is you. Put on your big girl pants and start taking charge of your own life.
2. THE LITTLE MERMAID (1989)
Ah, the Disney movie that taught little girls everywhere that it's not your creative talents or your personality that makes you special, but how pretty you are. Think about it: Ariel gives up her voice (and her beautiful singing talent) so she can meet Eric, because he's cute. How can she possibly win him over? Easy—with her sexy eyes, stunning red hair, and kissable lips. What a fabulous message to send to your daughters.
3. BLACK SWAN (2010)
One of my college roommates was a professional ballet dancer, so it's safe to assume I'm an expert on this. I get that the ballet world is cutthroat and bulimic and awful. But this movie sends a terrible message: In order to be perfect, you have to be thin. (What? What message did you get from the movie?) Mila Kunis dropped 20 pounds, weighing in at 95 lbs. (at 5' 4"), for this part. Yet Mila still has boobs, which any Weight Watchers success story (or ballerina, for that matter) will tell you is impossible without implants. This movie sends an unrealistic and horrible message to women about body types and perfectionism. Plus, the whole darn movie was confusing. I hated it.
4. THE TWILIGHT SERIES (2008 – 2012)
If you think I'm going to attack Kristin Stewart (Bella) in this series, think again. We all know she's insipid and lifeless and can't act, so I don't need to reiterate that. No, my bigger problem with this movie is poor Taylor Lautner (Jacob).
Sexism works both ways, folks, and why Taylor wasn't allowed to wear a shirt while filming this terrible series is beyond me. (Whom am I kidding? It was to distract us from his lack of acting abilities and the laughably awful script.) While I would argue that his abs are the best thing about this steaming mountain of turds, I recognize that that's a shamefully sexist thing to say. Yet I will somehow find the strength to go on despite this character flaw.
5. THE 40 YEAR-OLD VIRGIN (2005)
Do I have a problem with the implications that it is ridiculous and something to be ashamed of in today's society for a 40-year-old man to be a virgin? No. I simply don't care about that part. Here's my problem: there's a hyphen missing in the title. Honestly, would it kill you filmmakers to run your movie titles by a proofreader? An intern that happens to be an English major? Someone? Please? Because right now, this implies that it's a movie about forty tiny, year-old virgins. Call the authorities!
There you have it. I could've filled this list with at least ten more Disney films, at least, but I think you all know where I stand on that (why yes, killing Snow White because she's prettier than you is perfectly reasonable, you old hag). Sexism: alive and thriving in the movie industry.
AAAIIIGGGHHH!
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