If you live in Connecticut as I do (and yes, your murmurs of sympathy are appreciated), you cannot go through life without having a favorite city. It is a requirement of all Connecticut residents that you must visit both New York and Boston before the age of twelve; otherwise, you lose the privilege of calling yourself an official Nutmegger. You’d think we wouldn’t care about losing this honor, but as it turns out, we wear our residency like a medal of courage: we’ve paid our outrageous taxes, endured October snowstorms that left the state without power for a week and summer thunderstorms that left the state without power for a week, and take pride in the fact that arguably, we’re best known as the birthplace of a debilitating tick-borne disease. My point is, before you even hit your teenage years, you’d better know which city you prefer: New York or Boston. Because you’ll be asked this very question any time you leave your house in our fair state. (I don’t mean “fair” as in “pretty.” I mean “fair” as in “meh.”)
So let’s look at the pros and cons. First off, let me knock distance right off the table, because both are about two hours away from central Connecticut. Also, people talking funny doesn’t count, because both cities have equally cringe-worthy accents. We need to dive a bit more deeply—to look at the important things. Like food. And baseball.
NEW YORK
Cons:
Garbage bags are left on the street, even on non-garbage day
Overcrowded
One time, a complete stranger stopped me on the sidewalk to tell me I was ugly (I was thirteen, and still have self-esteem issues to this day)
They think their food is better than everyone else’s, and it’s not
Another time, someone dumped their air-conditioner water on Jason and me when we were walking under their building
Life-threatening traffic to both drive through and walk near (sidewalks are not streets, New York!)
Overall rudeness
Pros:
Cool wax museum
Great deals on bootleg DVDs and illegal knockoff purses
The New York Yankees
Ooh! It looked like Boston was a shoo-in, until I pulled out the Yankees. Don’t underestimate the power of a winning baseball team (something you Boston folks are largely unfamiliar with. Occasional flukes don’t count.)
BOSTON
Cons:
Their snowstorms are often worse than ours, and ours are terrible
Bootleg DVDs and illegal knockoff purses ridiculously overpriced
The Boston Red Sox
Pros:
They think their food is better than everyone else’s, and it is
Bags of garbage blocking the sidewalk noticeably absent
JFK Presidential Library and Museum
Not once has a Bostonian stopped me on the street to point out the deficiencies in my appearance
Quincy Market
Specifically, clam chowder in a sourdough bread bowl sold at Quincy Market
Can enter a crosswalk without worrying that your last will and testament might not be in order
I suppose it would’ve been easier to just tell you that Boston, by far, is my favorite city. It’s cleaner, the people are less mean, and Boston gave us the Kennedys. They have cobblestone streets and the best farmers’ markets and did I mention the food? Spanakopita and pastichio, culatello and handmade pappardelle . . . followed by dessert. My sister and I once gained seven pounds in just two hours in Boston, and it was worth every bite.
So that’s my answer, DMV clerk. Thanks for asking. Can I have my official Nutmegger residency card now?
So let’s look at the pros and cons. First off, let me knock distance right off the table, because both are about two hours away from central Connecticut. Also, people talking funny doesn’t count, because both cities have equally cringe-worthy accents. We need to dive a bit more deeply—to look at the important things. Like food. And baseball.
NEW YORK
Cons:
Garbage bags are left on the street, even on non-garbage day
Overcrowded
One time, a complete stranger stopped me on the sidewalk to tell me I was ugly (I was thirteen, and still have self-esteem issues to this day)
They think their food is better than everyone else’s, and it’s not
Another time, someone dumped their air-conditioner water on Jason and me when we were walking under their building
Life-threatening traffic to both drive through and walk near (sidewalks are not streets, New York!)
Overall rudeness
Pros:
Cool wax museum
Great deals on bootleg DVDs and illegal knockoff purses
The New York Yankees
Ooh! It looked like Boston was a shoo-in, until I pulled out the Yankees. Don’t underestimate the power of a winning baseball team (something you Boston folks are largely unfamiliar with. Occasional flukes don’t count.)
BOSTON
Cons:
Their snowstorms are often worse than ours, and ours are terrible
Bootleg DVDs and illegal knockoff purses ridiculously overpriced
The Boston Red Sox
Pros:
They think their food is better than everyone else’s, and it is
Bags of garbage blocking the sidewalk noticeably absent
JFK Presidential Library and Museum
Not once has a Bostonian stopped me on the street to point out the deficiencies in my appearance
Quincy Market
Specifically, clam chowder in a sourdough bread bowl sold at Quincy Market
Can enter a crosswalk without worrying that your last will and testament might not be in order
I suppose it would’ve been easier to just tell you that Boston, by far, is my favorite city. It’s cleaner, the people are less mean, and Boston gave us the Kennedys. They have cobblestone streets and the best farmers’ markets and did I mention the food? Spanakopita and pastichio, culatello and handmade pappardelle . . . followed by dessert. My sister and I once gained seven pounds in just two hours in Boston, and it was worth every bite.
So that’s my answer, DMV clerk. Thanks for asking. Can I have my official Nutmegger residency card now?
New York Babe still wins, though.
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