This Mother’s Day, I’d like to reflect on some of the valuable lessons my mother taught me. For instance, just the other day, I was stopped for speeding. Mind you, I generally drive about 5 miles below the speed limit, and I brake for dead squirrels (as my mother taught me to do). However, I was polite enough not to argue with the officer of the law about how he was too stupid to operate a radar gun properly and clearly wouldn’t know a reckless driver if one drove up to him and bit him on the nose. See, my mother instilled that aversion to rudeness in me. I took my ticket, sweetly told the officer that we would meet again, in court, and went on my merry way.
That same day, I finally made it in to work and poured myself a cup of coffee to calm my nerves. Within two minutes, while reaching for a post-it note, I managed to dump said coffee all over my sweater and pants. However, it was Mom who first told me what a flattering (and sensible) color mocha is on me, and lo and behold, the coffee blended right in. Although my bra was damp and uncomfortable for the rest of the day, nobody could even see the giant stain down the front of my shirt. A couple of people asked me what perfume I was wearing, but I just told them “Nantucket Blend” with a sly wink, like it was some fancy aroma that only Nantucketers and klutzes are allowed to wear.
By 10 AM, there was a yellow jacket in our office, so I left work for the day, insisting that I was allergic to bee stings and that yellow jackets buzzing around the ceiling lights constituted a hostile work environment. Something else I learned from Mom—if you don’t like something, stop doing it. And I don’t like sharing my office space with stinging insects, which is what my argument will be when I get written up for abandoning my job.
I drove over to the mall now that I had the day off, and found that Sears had wine glass sets in their clearance bin for only $1.50 a set. That came out to less than 38 cents a glass, so I bought them. Sure, much like Mom, I don’t ever drink wine, and I’m pretty sure they’re not crystal, but let me repeat: 38 cents a glass. If there is one thing my mother has taught me, it’s to never pass up a great bargain.
So today, I would like to say Thank You, Mom. Your life lessons helped me turn what was essentially a rotten day into a fabulous one. I made a new friend that I get to see again when I’m fighting my ticket in court; I now own a custom-stained coffee-colored bra; and best of all, my Mother’s Day shopping is done. Hope you like your new wine glasses!
That same day, I finally made it in to work and poured myself a cup of coffee to calm my nerves. Within two minutes, while reaching for a post-it note, I managed to dump said coffee all over my sweater and pants. However, it was Mom who first told me what a flattering (and sensible) color mocha is on me, and lo and behold, the coffee blended right in. Although my bra was damp and uncomfortable for the rest of the day, nobody could even see the giant stain down the front of my shirt. A couple of people asked me what perfume I was wearing, but I just told them “Nantucket Blend” with a sly wink, like it was some fancy aroma that only Nantucketers and klutzes are allowed to wear.
By 10 AM, there was a yellow jacket in our office, so I left work for the day, insisting that I was allergic to bee stings and that yellow jackets buzzing around the ceiling lights constituted a hostile work environment. Something else I learned from Mom—if you don’t like something, stop doing it. And I don’t like sharing my office space with stinging insects, which is what my argument will be when I get written up for abandoning my job.
I drove over to the mall now that I had the day off, and found that Sears had wine glass sets in their clearance bin for only $1.50 a set. That came out to less than 38 cents a glass, so I bought them. Sure, much like Mom, I don’t ever drink wine, and I’m pretty sure they’re not crystal, but let me repeat: 38 cents a glass. If there is one thing my mother has taught me, it’s to never pass up a great bargain.
So today, I would like to say Thank You, Mom. Your life lessons helped me turn what was essentially a rotten day into a fabulous one. I made a new friend that I get to see again when I’m fighting my ticket in court; I now own a custom-stained coffee-colored bra; and best of all, my Mother’s Day shopping is done. Hope you like your new wine glasses!
Me, my sister, and my mother. Mom is standing next to Kim and not me because her motherly intuition senses that I will get a speeding ticket ten months after this picture is taken, and she is expressing her disapproval.
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