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Introverted vs. Socially Anxious: The Public Potty Test

8/24/2018

 
I’m in no mood to engage with the world today.
 
Before you become offended or alarmed, you should know I’m in no mood to engage with the world most every day. It’s one of the fun things that comes with being introverted.
 
The thing is, life kind of forces us to deal with the world, doesn’t it? I mean, I do my best: I try to stay in my cave—er, home—as much as possible, but there are things like having to work for a living and needing groceries and putting gas in the car that force me to leave the cave. (Think I’m exaggerating? That getting gas is no big deal? The other day, my “low tire” light came on, and I had to go inside the gas station and ask the guy behind the counter to turn the air on. It was a nightmare, I tell you!)
 
There was one woman at work I was talking to the other day (see what I mean about the whole having to work for a living thing?) who seemed to empathize. “That’s rough,” she said. “I can relate. I have the worst social anxiety.”
 
(That we were two people chatting away about how one of us is an introvert and the other has social anxiety was not ironic in the least, of course.)
 
Wait a minute, I thought. Maybe I have social anxiety disorder. Maybe this introvert thing is a load of crap, and I’m just mentally ill. So I excused myself abruptly from the conversation, no doubt making her anxiety even worse, and Googled the symptoms.
 
According to the Mayo Clinic, these are indicators that you may have social anxiety:
 
  • Fear of situations in which you may be judged
  • Worrying about embarrassing or humiliating yourself
  • Intense fear of interacting or talking with strangers
  • Avoiding doing things or speaking to people out of fear of embarrassment
 
Uh-oh. All of these were true, though I’d change that last one to “Avoiding doing things or speaking to people out of sheer crankiness.” I read on:
 
Persons with social anxiety may avoid the following, the Mayo Clinic said.
 
  • Interacting with unfamiliar people or strangers. Check.
  • Attending parties or social gatherings. Check.
  • Making eye contact. Check.
  • Dating. Check. Oh my lord, it’s true—I’m socially anxious! Here I was blaming this on marriage!
  • Using a public restroom. Hold up a second. What?
 
Here’s the thing: if I gotta go, I gotta go. In my life, I’ve elbowed past people in wheelchairs to get to the handicapped stall if it was the only one free; I’ve used the potty in the men’s room in a bar while there was a Hell’s Angel standing at the urinal; I’ve tinkled in a poison ivy patch because the line at the rest stop reached out to the woods. Never, ever, in my life have I said no to a public restroom.
 
Good news! I’m just a plain old introvert.
​With a small bladder, I suspect.
Picture
No solicitors, please.

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