I can't tell you how many people think that I once had a career as a fashion model. (They never say it out loud, but I can tell they're thinking it.) It must be because I always look like I just walked off of the runway. Sure, some days it's an airport runway, but hey, I'll take what I can get.
How do I manage my glamorous look? It may surprise you to know I hardly put any effort into it at all. I do have a few golden rules of fashion that I always follow, however.
1. Shop the high-end thrift stores. Just because it was previously owned by a teenager in the 1980s doesn't mean a Benetton shirt won't come back into style again. I personally love Uptown Consignment in South Windsor because you can get brand name clothes really, really cheaply. The bad news is that their dressing rooms don't have locking doors, just curtains. I'm sure the little girl who walked in on me when I was trying on shorts while wearing knee highs still has nightmares.
2. Shop the low-end thrift stores, too. One thing I really, really love about Savers in Manchester is the locks on their dressing room stalls. The doors are kind of short, though. If you're like me, you're not as diligent about your leg-shaving in the winter as perhaps you should be, and I once got kicked out of the women's dressing room because they thought I was a man based on the view of my ankles.
3. If you see someone leaving the dressing room at the thrift store with their sweater tucked into their underwear, for goodness' sake, tell them. Honestly, is this so much to ask?
4. If you see a one-of-a-kind fashion item you just have to have, indulge. This is why I now own totally awesome KISS leggings. (I am not kidding.) When I saw them, I actually hesitated before buying them because I was so poor I was recycling our toilet paper. But I stole the $10 I'd set aside for Christmas gifts and bought those bad boys. So if you're wondering why you got flour paste for Christmas, you can blame my fashion slavery and my need to have Paul Stanley's face plastered on my thighs.
5. Never, ever shop when you're feeling fat. You'll just wind up grabbing a size that should be two sizes
too big, but of course, on this particular day when you're already feeling huge, they'll be too small. This is a no-brainer. If you're feeling fat, you shop for books. Clothes can wait for another day. (Side note: Don't go food shopping on fat days, either. You'll wind up with a refrigerator full of rotting vegetables.)
6. Need a wardrobe boost? Go through all of those clothes you don't wear any more and try them all on . . . at once. Then, leave the house. I once went to my friend Kathy's house wearing a sparkly gray prom dress, a pink and black hoodie, and my KISS leggings (see remarkably sexy photo below). That's the kind of sacrifice I make to put a smile on my friend's face. She laughed so hard she wet her pants. Then her dog wet the floor. Then I sneezed and passed gas at the same time. It was a big mess, but totally worth it.
I hope these tips have helped you with your fashion choices. So many times people have asked to take my picture for their fashion "dos and don'ts" files. Just shop the bargains, untuck your sweater from your underwear, and flaunt those KISS pants, and you'll be fine!
How do I manage my glamorous look? It may surprise you to know I hardly put any effort into it at all. I do have a few golden rules of fashion that I always follow, however.
1. Shop the high-end thrift stores. Just because it was previously owned by a teenager in the 1980s doesn't mean a Benetton shirt won't come back into style again. I personally love Uptown Consignment in South Windsor because you can get brand name clothes really, really cheaply. The bad news is that their dressing rooms don't have locking doors, just curtains. I'm sure the little girl who walked in on me when I was trying on shorts while wearing knee highs still has nightmares.
2. Shop the low-end thrift stores, too. One thing I really, really love about Savers in Manchester is the locks on their dressing room stalls. The doors are kind of short, though. If you're like me, you're not as diligent about your leg-shaving in the winter as perhaps you should be, and I once got kicked out of the women's dressing room because they thought I was a man based on the view of my ankles.
3. If you see someone leaving the dressing room at the thrift store with their sweater tucked into their underwear, for goodness' sake, tell them. Honestly, is this so much to ask?
4. If you see a one-of-a-kind fashion item you just have to have, indulge. This is why I now own totally awesome KISS leggings. (I am not kidding.) When I saw them, I actually hesitated before buying them because I was so poor I was recycling our toilet paper. But I stole the $10 I'd set aside for Christmas gifts and bought those bad boys. So if you're wondering why you got flour paste for Christmas, you can blame my fashion slavery and my need to have Paul Stanley's face plastered on my thighs.
5. Never, ever shop when you're feeling fat. You'll just wind up grabbing a size that should be two sizes
too big, but of course, on this particular day when you're already feeling huge, they'll be too small. This is a no-brainer. If you're feeling fat, you shop for books. Clothes can wait for another day. (Side note: Don't go food shopping on fat days, either. You'll wind up with a refrigerator full of rotting vegetables.)
6. Need a wardrobe boost? Go through all of those clothes you don't wear any more and try them all on . . . at once. Then, leave the house. I once went to my friend Kathy's house wearing a sparkly gray prom dress, a pink and black hoodie, and my KISS leggings (see remarkably sexy photo below). That's the kind of sacrifice I make to put a smile on my friend's face. She laughed so hard she wet her pants. Then her dog wet the floor. Then I sneezed and passed gas at the same time. It was a big mess, but totally worth it.
I hope these tips have helped you with your fashion choices. So many times people have asked to take my picture for their fashion "dos and don'ts" files. Just shop the bargains, untuck your sweater from your underwear, and flaunt those KISS pants, and you'll be fine!
I can see why you thought I was runway material.
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