Better Things to Celebrate

I am not of a romantic ilk. I was raised by a teacher and a farmer—both practical, sensible people. I do not believe in that ‘happily ever after’ or ‘soul mates’ garbage. If you want to make me swoon, do manual labor for me or buy me a book.

As a result, I tend to forget about things like Valentine’s Day. I mean, I’m aware that my dad always comes through mid-February with chocolates, and Jason will often take me out to dinner around that time, but it doesn’t always register as to why. For me, there are a million other things we could be celebrating besides a stupid Hallmark holiday. Here are twenty things we should be celebrating this month:

1. Shamrock shakes are back at McDonalds!
2. February is National Grapefruit Month. Notable for its contribution to an ill-thought-out diet plan, as well as an effective way to punish bad kids (by either making them eat one or throwing one at them), this fine fruit deserves its own month.
3. Only 77 days until the second Avengers movie comes out.
4. Soylent Green is still made out of people! And Saturday Night Live is now 40 years old. Thank you, Lorne Michaels.
5. February 16 is Do a Grouch a Favor Day. I expect many, many favors.
6. While this February has been positively miserable, it still remains the shortest month of the year.
7. Betty White just celebrated her 93rd birthday on January 17.
8. Stephen King’s second book in the Mr. Mercedes trilogy, Finders Keepers, is due out on June 2—only 109 days from now. Sounds like a great excuse to have a shamrock shake.
9. The five-day forecast for New England shows two whole days without snow. It’s practically spring!
10. The first Friday the 13th of the year (this year, Feb. 13) is Blame Someone Else Day. I blame my parents for my decidedly non-romantic opinion of Valentine’s Day.
11. Serial killer David Berkowitz believes he should be in prison for the rest of his life, and doesn’t bother attending his parole hearings. Let’s all have a shamrock shake to celebrate!
12. Dunkin’ Donuts now carries chocolate-filled croissants.
13. It has been 15 years since Survivor first introduced us to Richard Hatch. And the 30th season starts February 25.
14. Weight Watchers is currently running a fabulous deal: If you join and lose at least ten pounds in your first two months, you’ll be refunded two months’ worth of subscription fees. Something to consider, seeing as I’ve already consumed three shamrock shakes, a chocolate croissant, and maybe a bite of Soylent Green over the course of this list.
15. February 15 is astronomer and physicist Galileo Galilei’s birthday. Without him, we’d all still be thinking that Earth was the center of the solar system.
16. Philly cheesesteaks exist.
17. The crocuses will start blooming in March. They might be blooming through snow, but they’re coming.
18. Eggs are good for us again! Or not. Who cares? It’s February, I’m cold, and I’m going to eat an egg if I want one. Specifically, I’m going to eat it raw in brownie batter.
19. According to this website, February 17 is Champion Crab Races Day. This led to my discovery that there is a National Crab Racing Association. Imagine: someone was passionate enough about professional hermit crab racing that they created a whole organization to celebrate it. I’m celebrating, too. With another shamrock shake.
20. The zombie apocalypse hasn’t happened. Yet.

There you have it. Twenty things to celebrate this weekend, and not one of them is mushy (though I’ll admit, I get a little emotional when I think about shamrock shakes). Happy Do a Grouch a Favor Day, everyone!

I miss you, Uncle O'Grimacey! Photo stolen from www.junkyardclubhouse.com.