There’s nothing like nine days of no power to make a person really appreciate how dependent we’ve become on technology. Even something as simple as making a cup of coffee has been revolutionized in my lifetime. Our coffeepots never used to have digital displays and fancy timers to set your coffeepot to start brewing on its own early in the morning. That’s right, kids – when I was your age, we used to have to get up, turn on the pot, and wait fifteen minutes for our coffee to brew. You youngsters have no idea how easy you have it!
I remember our first microwave. My father brought it home for my mother one Christmas, and it was the size of a dumpster. We were in awe of this monstrosity, which could cook bacon in half the time. This might have been our first brush with real, honest-to-goodness, modern technology. (I can’t quite remember which came first – the microwave or the VCR?) Regardless, when I realized it could heat up a bagel in 30 seconds instead of having to wait three minutes for our antiquated toaster, I was in love.
My next love affair was with the word processor. I’ve always loved to write, and my mother had found an old typewriter at a tag sale that I would bang out short stories on in the afternoons. as a kid. When my parents presented me with a word processor one Christmas, my writing career took a whole new path. So long, sore fingertips and white-out! I could now write twice as many stories in half the time. I lugged my word processor back to college, and promptly put it to use, writing humorous narratives starring my college roommates.
But by far, the most life-changing techno-revolution for me has been my love affair with Apple products. (Blogger Linda O., who writes a fabulous blog that you can find HERE, calls it iLove.) My iPhone is my constant companion, and I spend (or waste, whichever) most of my day emailing, texting, and fighting zombies with cartoon plants on that little phone. My iLove for the iPhone is only surpassed with my iDevotion to my iPad. iKnow it’s annoying. But if you own one, you know what iMean.
This morning, I came across a gigantic fanged tarantula with beady eyes in my kitchen. I was barefoot, so I quickly looked around for something with which I could squish it. There was my sleek iPad, cradled in its case, sitting next to The Story of Edgar Sawtelle, a 562-page hardcover that I picked up at the Book Barn in Niantic last week.
Lets face it. Modern technology isn’t always better.
I can’t live without my iPhone. That’s right; I’m one of those people. I actually feel a little twinge of sadness in my heart when I see people pull out their cell phones and they’re not iPhones.
I’ve had some people argue with me that their Blackberry/Palm/Droid is just as good as my iPhone, and I feel sorry for them. No, it’s not. Really, it’s not, and you just won’t understand all the wonderfulness that is the iPhone until you spend a little quality time with one. For me, it took twenty seconds, and then I was in love.
Yes, I know. It’s an inanimate object, not a person, or a puppy. However, the day I got my iPhone was probably the third best day of my life. (After the day I married Jason and the day I divorced my first husband, whom I will simply refer to as Dickhead. In case you were wondering.)
I actually fought Jason on getting an iPhone. It was just a phone, I said. They’re too expensive, I argued. They look stupid, I insisted. But one weekend, we were participating in an MS Walk for my friend Renee, and the woman we were walking with, Jodi, let me play with her iPhone for just a few … precious … moments. She had a virtual reality aquarium on her phone, and she let me clean the green mildew off of her virtual fish tank. The screen made scrubbing noises as I swiped my finger over the display.
“I have to have this. Now,” I said, turning to Jason. We walked right off the MS path and turned left into the AT& T store.
We took out a second mortgage on the home to pay for the phones (Don’t judge us. It was worth it.) I immediately found a fishing app and downloaded it. And an app to grow my own zombies on a virtual reality zombie farm. And an app to track my story submissions. Eventually, I downloaded apps that make farm animal noises, sense if ghosts are present, burn computer-generated ants with a computer-generated magnifying glass, pop bubble wrap, create balloon animals, squash cockroaches, and more. And of course, I downloaded TapFish, the virtual reality fish aquarium that started this whole ball rolling. I was in love.
Eventually, as with any new toy, the novelty wore off. I was horrified the first time I forgot to feed my fake fish, and I found them floating on top of my iPhone fish tank. It was a little bit cool, though, to be able to flush them down the computer simulated toilet bowl. I vowed to do better, however, with my virtual reality bird cage. (Update: I didn’t, the birds are dead, and the cage needs cleaning.) But new apps come out every day, and I can harvest zombies, play sudoku, and update my twitter status no matter where I am.
Jason called me just the other day while I was in the middle of reeling in a 35 pound striped bass with my fabulous fishing app, which has yet to lose its appeal. Wait a minute.
This thing’s a phone, too?
Uh oh. I think I just figured out the iPhone’s only flaw.
Pretty and perfect in every way.