If it happens to be your birthday, and you happen to be on Facebook, you may want to take the day off. You’ll be spending your day thanking everyone who wishes you a happy birthday. How will they know? Because Facebook sends a notification to all 634 people on your friends list on your big day. And many of them, in turn, will write on your timeline.
My birthday was this week. When I woke up at 6:15, ten people had written on my timeline to wish me a happy day. I individually thanked each of them.
By the time I got to work, sixty-eight people had posted on my wall. Some of them were pretty funny. (For example, I will often post a picture of Tim Curry as Pennywise the Clown, holding balloons, on my friends’ walls for their birthdays. My pal Barry posted this in return.)
By 11 AM, I was overwhelmed. I had Manson family birthday wishes and a Ron Dickie balloon buttocks birthday photo (and trust me, if I hadn’t gotten it, I would’ve been upset). There were silly posts and sentimental posts and one half-hearted “HBD” post.
By the end of the day, I was exhausted. I still had 126 “likes” I owed people, and major guilt that I hadn't gotten to them yet. I missed the days when the only thing I had to worry about was my penmanship on the “Thank you for Milky the Cow” note I sent my grandmother. I came home, rushed through dinner, and got back online. It took me an hour to catch up with all of the well-wishers.
Then, right as I was going to bed, my thumbs numb from all the liking, this came in: