My point is, sometimes I run low on ideas.
Using a fancy research tool I call “Google,” I went hunting for a good idea. It had to be funny. It should be topical—maybe something summery. A cucumber-pickling recipe, perhaps? I quickly realized that I was, in fact, good dill hunting. (I crack myself up.)
I found an inspiring post titled “Fantastic Ideas to Kick Off Your Summer Blogging!” I had high hopes. These hopes were quickly quashed like a child accidentally dumping her almond fudge chip ice cream cone, leaving a smear of wasted chocolaty goodness down the front of her Wonder Woman t-shirt. (Almond fudge chip makes me cry to this day.) Here are some of the bright ideas listed in the perky Summer Blogging post:
1. Inspiring Vacation Locales
There are people in this economy who still vacation? Who are these people? Bank robbers? In the past five years, my vacations have consisted of weekend conventions at which I peddle books. Nine times out of ten, I don’t even make it to the lukewarm, bacteria-infested hotel pool. And that’s only if I’m not sleeping in my car. Want an inspiring vacation locale? Try “not sleeping in the car.”
2. Best Summer Songs
In theory, this sounds like fun. In reality, when you’re stuck in Hartford traffic, listening to your car’s air conditioner wheeze its last dying breath, the last thing you want to do is hear a song that reminds you that it's 100 degrees out with 100% humidity. Back in January, I would scream when any song from Frozen came on the air. Now I have the soundtrack on automatic repeat. Yes I do want to build a snowman with my sister. Right now.
3. Summer Movies You Must See
This would be a fabulous blog post idea . . . if I’d been to the movies recently. Wait, I did see Jurassic World. Raptors and body parts—okay, yes, that qualifies it as a must-see. Plus, I’ve been inundated with Minion Twinkies, Minion Cheese Nips, Minion cereal, Minion-shaped air fresheners for the car, and Minion Happy Meal Toys, so I feel like I’ve seen that movie. I guess it was cute? Or annoying. Hard to say.
4. Helpful Sunscreen Tips
Are there people out there who don’t know they should use sunscreen with a minimum SPF of 30, and to re-apply it every two hours? Want a tip that’s truly helpful in the summer in New England? Make sure your heavy-duty tick repellant has sunscreen in it. Then reapply every ten minutes to be safe. I’ve seen those disease-ridden parasites eyeballing their tiny tick watches, waiting for the DEET in your repellant to expire. You know what? Just hose down your lawn with DEET to be safe.
5. Summer Bucket List
Finally, an idea I could use. I have a lengthy summer bucket list. It includes:
- Not sleeping in my car
- Fixing the air conditioner in said car that I really don’t want to sleep in
- Reducing the amount of Minion-inspired merchandise in my home and car
- Hiding in my car to avoid ticks
Overall, I found the “Fantastic Ideas to Kick Off Your Summer Blogging!” blog to be insipid and uninspiring. I’m off to search for ideas on next week’s entry. Perhaps a post about creating decorative blankets to spice up the windows in your home.
You know. Good sill bunting.