- A tick bit me two weeks ago. Burrowed right in and made my left butt cheek its new home. Though it has since been extracted and no bull’s-eye has formed around the bite, I am suffering from the devastating effects of psychosomatic Lyme disease. These symptoms include: general crankiness (must be the tick bite), pain in my knee (sure, this happens every time it rains, but this time I’m convinced it’s Lyme), and an alarming shortage of blog post ideas.
- I was too busy practicing the perfect selfie smile (see photo below).
- I had a dream the other night that I owned a baby goat. This might be because the lawn is too long, and in my dream this adorable baby goat was doing a great job with grass maintenance. My point is, I wasted all my writing time searching for free baby goats on Craig’s List.
- I decided that this week was the week to cross "build a fort out of cotton balls" off of my bucket list. The good news: it's soft and makes me sleepy. The bad news: I grind my teeth when I sleep. Have you ever ground down on a cotton ball? Traumatizing!
- Maybe I just didn’t feel like writing anything this week.
- I bought a home waxing kit, and subsequently passed out for three days from the pain.
- I’ve been ignoring Daylight Savings Time for the past fifteen years, and it finally caught up with me. I thought this was last week, when I already had a blog idea.
- I saw Jurassic World, and have been spending all my free time sewing tiny velociraptor costumes for the cats.
- I was busy writing a scathing letter to the people in charge of Microsoft Word, demanding that their spellcheck feature recognize “velociraptor” as a real word.
- The word “apanthropinization” is now officially obsolete. I decided to mourn this loss by actively doing it.
There you go. I also learned an important lesson: thinking up excuses about why I wasn't writing a blog post was about as much work as actually writing one. I had to look up "apanthropinization," pester my best writing friend for help when I got stuck on number six, stop to watch videos of adorable baby goats . . . I'm exhausted.
Must be the psychosomatic Lyme disease.