- I’m thankful for my family.
- I’m thankful that my sister has an answering machine, so she’ll know that I called and am expecting a call back.
- I’m thankful that my nephews are so cute, because otherwise, I might not be speaking to their mother, who apparently can’t even return a phone call.
- I am thankful for circus peanuts, gummy worms, and other sugary treats that rot my teeth but are good for the soul.
- I am thankful for pasta, cheese, and God’s ultimate food creation, pasta and cheese.
- I’m thankful the bathroom scale battery is dead.
- I’m thankful for coffee.
- I’m thankful that my coworkers recognize and respect my need for coffee, and mostly don’t approach me until I’m on my third cup.
- I’m thankful that the new kid Todd can run faster than me, because if I’d caught that no-good “let me ask you about the detailed objectives of the project we’re supposed to work on together while you’re pouring yourself your first cup of coffee” troll, I’d probably be in trouble with both HR and the law right now.
- I’m thankful for a mind that works a little differently from the average bear’s, and finds humor in unexpected places.
- I’m thankful that the priest delivering this much-too-serious funeral sermon can’t tell where the muffled chuckling is coming from.
- Seriously, I don’t care if the deceased is British, you can’t mention his intolerance of clatterfarts without expecting at least a snicker.
At this point, I’d had a pretty stressful week, what with not speaking to my sister, eating so many circus peanuts that I’d started hallucinating clowns, being spoken to before I’d had my coffee, getting kicked out of a funeral . . . I was running low on things to be thankful for. Luckily, I was able to look around my office and remind myself of all the blessings I had.
- I am thankful for Scotch tape, which is handy when I want to tape my nose up to my forehead.
- I’m thankful for freshly sharpened No. 2 pencils, which stick in the tiles of the ceiling when thrown at just the right trajectory.
- I’m thankful for paper clips, which help me express my inner emotions through highly sophisticated paper clip art.
What did I learn this week? Mostly that I’m a bit of an ingrate. It was insightful and depressing. I highly recommend it. Perhaps you, too, could take this challenge, and discover either that your life is full of wonder, or that you’re a thankless wretch just like me.