1. If you're going to shoot someone, make sure they're dead when you're finished.
2. Sure, you can use your pretty face to marry money, but deep down, you'll always be Digger Barnes's daughter.
3. That little old lady may look sweet, but you don't know if she's bludgeoned her husband to death with a frozen leg of lamb, then cooked it up and served it to the police investigating the crime. (Wait. That might be a life lesson from Alfred Hitchcock.)
4. Don't sleep with the hired help. That hot ranch hand might turn out to be your uncle.
5. It's probably not a good idea to start getting drunk at 8 AM. But since I'm not married to J.R. Ewing, who am I to judge?
6. Sometimes, when you think your life has turned to crap, it actually all turns out to be a bad dream.
So take it from me: tune in to the latest antics of J.R., Bobby, and Sue Ellen. You just might learn something useful!