In response to your outrage, I have compiled a fun list of things you can do instead of sending me death threats this weekend. Why not...
1. Visit a local dairy farm and find out how milk gets from cow to carton. Do NOT, however, visit a local slaughterhouse to find out how sausage is made, unless you've been seriously considering becoming a vegetarian. Just trust me on this one, okay?
2. Use your iPhone to film your own zombie apocalypse movie. This is a low budget, high payoff event that will bring the whole family together for the low, low price of one bucket of pigs' brains.
3. Teach yourself how to play electric guitar. You’ve always wanted to learn—now, with no pesky blog post to distract you this weekend, you can finally take the time to do it. Not enough cash on hand to buy that Stratocaster you've always wanted? You can satisfy your need to impress the chicks by getting serious about learning the air guitar.
4. Write the Great American Novel. Go ahead. Give it a shot and let me know how that goes for you.
5. Write to your local congressman to complain about the state of the economy. Do not, however, write to grouse about my lack of a blog post this week. If you use proper grammar, punctuation, and verb tenses, he or she might even invite you to the state capitol for a nice lunch.
Now that you have some fun options for the weekend, I'm going to go take a nap. I'll see you next week.
Oops—Joe Courtney's on the phone again, wanting to know why I promised everyone lunch. Ingrate. You think he'd be happy that I sent so many disgruntled voters his way!