I found some porcelain doll heads at the local craft shop and decided to use these as decorations. What could be more kid-friendly than dolls, right? With some clever Sharpie art, some fake blood, and a little spirit gum, we now had a lawn full of mangled baby heads. I just knew we’d get a ton of trick-or-treaters this year.
I visited the local grocery store for some candy to hand out, but their fun size candy bars seemed a little too blasé for me. I decided to go online and visit my friends at www.stupid.com for some REAL Halloween candy.
There were so many fantastic options! Gumball meatballs, candy larvae, gummy warts…it was hard to choose, but I finally settled on the scorpion pops, made with real scorpions. I know, I'm a sentimental fool, but I like to spoil the local kids on this special day.
Halloween is also very close to Election Day, so I tried to get some of the rabid political nuts in the neighborhood in to the Halloween-y mood. George Bannerman is running for local sheriff yet again, and one of the families down the road has their lawn covered in signs declaring “Bannerman Always Catches His Man!” (I know it’s hokey, but we’re talking really small town politics here.) I decided to sneak over to the neighbor’s house—in the middle of the night, of course—and spice up their signs. Imagine that family’s delight when they woke up the next morning and found their campaign signs now read “Bannerman Always Catches His Man, Disembowels Him, and Devours his Flesh Raw with Some Fava Beans and a Nice Chianti!” I’m sure that family had a good chuckle when they saw that! I actually can only imagine that family’s delight, because the signs have all disappeared now. I hear the sheriff’s office is still looking for the person who defaced the signs, but of course Bannerman is such a lunkhead he still hasn’t figured out that perhaps it was the house two doors down with the mangled baby heads on the lawn.
Happy Halloween, everyone!