Every time I check my teeth in the mirror of the public bathroom to make sure I don’t have anything caught there, I like to say two words to the image blinking back at me: Hello, Mother.
It’s true. The very habit I used to mock my mother for manifests itself every time I am out in public and see a mirror. The urge to flash my teeth to check for stray spinach in my incisors is impossible to resist, despite the fact that I hate spinach and haven't eaten it in decades.
It turns out that Mom had a few good ideas that I initially brushed off as ridiculous. Now that I’m older, I’m starting to see the soundness of some of Mom’s advice. Take a look at the following list sage advice learned from my mother, all proven to be true:
- Not all drugs are bad. Caffeine, for instance, is a very, verygood drug.
- Sure, make fun of me now. Someday you'll welcome the comfort of elastic-waist pants.
- Exercising is hazardous to your health. Aerobics have been proven to cause spider veins, jogging can cause heart attacks, and even ironing can cause severe wrist injuries. If you mustexercise, the safest way to do so is by watching Richard Simmons on YouTube while baking cookies.
- It’s nice to be able to work at a job you love. It’s also nice to have a roof over your head. Suck it up and get to work!
- It’s not my fault we automatically gain ten pounds walking by a bakery. Blame your grandmother.
- Nobody’s reputation was ever ruined hanging out at a Mensa meeting. Go ask them if you can cater their events.
- Honor thy father and mother. Especially thy mother.
My mother, over the years, has dispensed invaluable wisdom on such topics as big purses, comfortable shoes, and the marketability of education for career advancement. She cheered me on when my first short story was published (an article, ironically, about fishing with Dad) and still has a copy of every single humor column that I wrote over a period of more than six years. She applauded my decision to get divorced and clapped through my first dance at my second wedding. She listens to me complain about laundry and cautions me when I want to venture in to dangerous activities, like ironing. When I told Mom that Jason and I were going ice skating back in January, she had three words of advice to pass on to me, patting (or socking, whichever) my arm softly:
“Are you nuts?”
Three months on crutches and one surgery later, I’ve accepted this one truth to be self-evident: No matter what the situation, Mom is always right.
Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!