I’ve had some people argue with me that their Blackberry/Palm/Droid is just as good as my iPhone, and I feel sorry for them. No, it’s not. Really, it’s not, and you just won’t understand all the wonderfulness that is the iPhone until you spend a little quality time with one. For me, it took twenty seconds, and then I was in love.
Yes, I know. It’s an inanimate object, not a person, or a puppy. However, the day I got my iPhone was probably the third best day of my life. (After the day I married Jason and the day I divorced my first husband, whom I will simply refer to as Dickhead. In case you were wondering.)
I actually fought Jason on getting an iPhone. It was just a phone, I said. They’re too expensive, I argued. They look stupid, I insisted. But one weekend, we were participating in an MS Walk for my friend Renee, and the woman we were walking with, Jodi, let me play with her iPhone for just a few … precious … moments. She had a virtual reality aquarium on her phone, and she let me clean the green mildew off of her virtual fish tank. The screen made scrubbing noises as I swiped my finger over the display.
“I have to have this. Now,” I said, turning to Jason. We walked right off the MS path and turned left into the AT& T store.
We took out a second mortgage on the home to pay for the phones (Don’t judge us. It was worth it.) I immediately found a fishing app and downloaded it. And an app to grow my own zombies on a virtual reality zombie farm. And an app to track my story submissions. Eventually, I downloaded apps that make farm animal noises, sense if ghosts are present, burn computer-generated ants with a computer-generated magnifying glass, pop bubble wrap, create balloon animals, squash cockroaches, and more. And of course, I downloaded TapFish, the virtual reality fish aquarium that started this whole ball rolling. I was in love.
Eventually, as with any new toy, the novelty wore off. I was horrified the first time I forgot to feed my fake fish, and I found them floating on top of my iPhone fish tank. It was a little bit cool, though, to be able to flush them down the computer simulated toilet bowl. I vowed to do better, however, with my virtual reality bird cage. (Update: I didn’t, the birds are dead, and the cage needs cleaning.) But new apps come out every day, and I can harvest zombies, play sudoku, and update my twitter status no matter where I am.
Jason called me just the other day while I was in the middle of reeling in a 35 pound striped bass with my fabulous fishing app, which has yet to lose its appeal. Wait a minute.
This thing’s a phone, too?
Uh oh. I think I just figured out the iPhone’s only flaw.