I’ve heard that the pain of kidney stones is similar to that of giving birth. I really wouldn’t know, now that I am on the BEST PAINKILLERS EVER.
When I took one Tuesday afternoon all I wanted was to ease the agony in my side. I was thrilled when the pain actually went away. I was absolutely giddy with happiness. This giddiness may have been a side effect of the medication. I pretty much giggled at everything that day. Oh, and I also forgot where I lived.
The next day, Jason and I had planned on a trip to Boston. I decided I was still up for it, now that I was feeling no pain. Our first stop was the John F. Kennedy Library and Museum, which was awesome. I think. I’d like to say it was my emotional attachment to all things Kennedy that caused me to weep all the way through the museum, and not just the drugs. I broke down sobbing when I saw Bobby Kennedy’s ashtray. I’m sure that would have brought me to tears even if I wasn’t on painkillers.
We made it through the rest of the day without any other side effects, except that I confused spanikopita with baklava at the Greek deli in Quincy Market. Imagine my surprise when I bit in to the phyllo dough expecting walnuts and honey and got a mouthful of spinach and feta. I have to imagine it myself, because I honestly didn’t notice the difference until Jason told me I had spinach in my teeth.
Thursday brought about the Hebron Fair. I hadn't taken any painkillers before this event in an effort to see if I had passed the stone yet, but my howling with every footstep was distracting the other patrons, so I took another pill. We proceeded to watch the best demolition derby ever, which was strange, because usually those things bore me to death. One car was painted to look like a Holstein! I chuckled for hours thinking of that guy. Moooo!
At one point, Jason clocked me in the head by accident with the folding chairs he was carrying. I didn’t feel a thing.
The doctor says I should pass the stone within a week. Jason says it can’t happen soon enough. What ever. Wait. Where am I?